IN HIS TRADEMARK black turtleneck and blue jeans, Steve Jobs took to the stage at the crowded Moscone Centre to apologise to people who couldn't make it.
In case you haven't heard, Apple's developers conference sold out in days to 5,000 punters. We knew, Apple sent out a press release to tell us. And Steve, ever modest, reminded us again. What other revelations will we hear in this session with the pied piper of cappuccino?
There are a lot of facts to digest. For example, there are over eight thousand applications for the Ipad in the App store and they have been downloaded 35 million times or about seventeen per Ipad. Apple has almost a quarter share of the e-book market already. Ninety-five per cent of apps are approved within five days. And only enlightened people with plenty of money to spend may enter the Apple spaceship come the Irapture.
Of course, what everyone is expecting is the Iphone 4.0, the announcement of which has been a certainty ever since someone left one on a pub floor and photos and videos of it turned up all over the Internet. Yes, the next Iphone will be squared off, shiny and skinny. At 93mm it's roughly a quarter thinner than all other smartphones, according to Jobs, and that includes the current Iphones. The screen is also thirty times stronger than plastic, and apparently you can bend it. Don't try that at home though, kids.
Those with a sensitive stomach may want to gloss over Jobs' introduction. We present it here in all its appalling glory. "This is one of the most beautiful designs you've ever seen. This is beyond a doubt one of the most precise and beautiful things we've ever made. Glass and steel, its closest kin is like an old Leica camera. And it's really thin."
Apparently there are hundreds of new features to discuss. Is this one of those pressure sales things? We can't afford another Spanish timeshare.
The Iphone 4.0 has two cameras, one in the front and one in the back - the back one has an LED flash - and two mics. The Home button hasn't moved, Apple not wanting to confuse users, and the antennae is in the band that runs round the edge. It has an Apple A4 chip and a built-in 3-axis gyroscope for playing games - Jobs played Jenga for a while on-stage. Connection-wise, the Iphone 4.0 has 802.11n WiFi, GPS, and quad band HSDPA, and it plays up to HD 720p video.
Another feature, called Retina Display improves resolution by squeezing in more pixels - 960x640 pixels to be precise - into the same space. Jobs said, "326 pixels per inch, 800:1 contrast ratio, four times that of Iphone 3GS". Nice. Oh, until the demo, where an Iphone 3GS model loaded a webpage that the Iphone 4.0 could not. Four shame. But it's alright, Steve blamed the WiFi. We suspect this won't be the last we hear of that.
After almost three quarters of an hour, Jobs is still spitting out numbers like they were watermelon pips. "Seven hours of 3G talk, six hours of 3G browsing, ten hours of WiFi browsing, ten hours of video, forty hours of music," he rattled. What's this now? Imovie for the Iphone? Igiveup.
After a demo of that, Jobs comes back to the stage with an announcement. There are 570 WiFi base stations in the room and they, not presumably God, Adobe or Apple tech, are to blame for the earlier failures. Everyone is told to turn their connections off and put their laptops on the floor. Few do.
Time for another feature, in this instance a new operating system, Iphone OS 4. Steve then talks up a number of user improvements, including ways of using folders, new pinch controls and multi-tasking.
IT managers at trendy media firms should take note that Jobs also promised better enterprise support. "I wanted to hit on the enterprise stuff. Data protection, device management, multiple Exchange accounts." Consumers meanwhile, can enjoy Google search, Yahoo and, Jobs added, "Bing". Yep, Bing! What's next? Flash?
Apple is bringing Ibooks to the Iphone and Ipod Touch. It's already on the Ipad where apparently it has taken almost a quarter of all e-book sales. Jobs said you can sync your Ibooks across all the devices, which is nice, especially since you paid for them in the first bloody place.
Then Jobs announced Iads, which we know about already. Steve tells us that by the end of this year Iad will have 48 per cent of the ad market. We'd thought Iad had always had 48 per cent of the ad market in Eastasia, but it's good to get a reminder.
Jobs is on the phone to Jony Ives now, its a video call. The video freezes, "Now it never freezes up... did you all turn off your WiFi?" asks Steve.
Back to the call and the pair talk about how great it is before arranging lunch - they do know there is an audience don't they? Anyway, don't turn your WiFi off too soon as this feature will be Wifi only, at least until Apple makes the mobile network service providers an offer they can't refuse.
An ad for the Facetime video chat shows two deaf people communicating with sign language. "This is one of the moments that reminds us of why we do what we do," says Steve, causing us to wonder if the sign they made was for "make oodles of cash".
Probably not, its all open standards apparently and even comes in black or white versions. Other options include either a 16GB or 32GB version and the decision to stick with the headphones Apple gives you - which are terrible - or invest in a decent pair. Jobs has reinvented the dock - its now called a bunker - and that's a term that will come back to haunt him, we imagine.
Pre-orders for the handset start next week, 24th June, in select locales including the US and UK. Eighteen additional lucky countries will be announced shortly after.