Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married for 10 years, and it is a wonderful marriage.
Recently I found a “sex tape” online of my wife
with the guy she dated before me. This video was taken without her
knowledge and is from 13 years ago, Because of this, I am not upset
about it.
My question is, should I bring this to her
attention, and if so, how? I feel she needs to know it’s out there. I’m
reacting to this as a man would. I don’t know how a woman would react.
Please help.
It’s Private
Dear It’s Private:
Although there are no sex tapes of me floating around, I can tell you
from a woman’s perspective that if there was one (and the lighting was
unflattering), I’d be furious. Your wife has a right to know, so don’t
keep her in the dark.
P.S. How did you come across that video? I’m sure she will be interested to know.
Dear Abby: A
couple of years ago, my husband of 30 years became distant. He didn’t
want to touch me, talk to me or spend time with me. I was devastated.
An old boyfriend emailed me to offer condolences
on the death of my brother. There were just chatty emails at the
beginning, about our lives and how we had gone such separate ways in 40
years. The emails started becoming more intimate, as I was fed by his
seeming “love” for me. He told me I was his “soul mate” and I fell for
it. I took risks to see him, eventually slept with him and lied to
everyone I know in the process.
Recently my husband came across an email from
the past boyfriend. My secret was out and the truth was ugly. I had
betrayed God, my husband, my mother and my four beautiful children. My
husband no longer trusts me and wants a divorce.
Abby, please tell your readers to think long and
hard before acting out of loneliness. It doesn’t just affect the
husband and wife; it also has an impact on the entire family, circle of
friends and standing within the community.
Adulterous Wife in Florida
Dear Wife:
How sad that you didn’t get to the bottom of your husband’s distancing
before it led to you having an affair. But before you allow your husband
to place all the blame on your shoulders, you should make it your
business to learn the reason for HIS behavior — since “everything” is
now out in the open.
Dear Abby: I
love my husband and, for the most part, we get along great. My only
complaint is he stays neutral when someone hurts my feelings.
The latest incident involved good friends of ours
until the wife hurt me for the last time. She has a history of inviting
me out, even talking me into changing my plans, then ditching me if
something better comes along. This last time, I was invited to her
house, only to learn that she had left for the evening. I’ve had enough!
I gave her as many chances as I did only because my husband said I
“overreact.”
This isn’t the first time he has chosen not to
validate my feelings. The fact that my husband is never on my side hurts
me more than what my “friend” has ever done. Am I right?
Gets No Support
in Azusa, Calif.
in Azusa, Calif.
Dear Gets No Support:
Your husband may not want to be caught in the middle of a disagreement
between two women, but that’s no reason for him not to tell you your
feelings are appropriate when they are justified. He may be good friends
with the husband, but the wife has shown she’s not much of a friend to
you.
Real friends don’t stand each other up if
something “better” comes along. Her behavior is rude and insensitive,
and I don’t blame you for being offended.